A big brother is
someone that his little sibling looks up to for guidance. He gives advice and
listens to any trouble that torment his sibling. We build a unique trust
between us that I will never betray. We play sports and video games together;
the advice I give him are based on past experiences and lessons that I learned.
One of the most important ones was an empty can of coke that I kept to place
any spare change I acquire. It taught me to be patient as the things we want we
can acquire later on in life. One day, I gave my empty can of coke to my
brother telling him “keep this in your dresser and everyday fill it with any
spare change you get and see how easy it is to fill”. Something so simple and yet
the smile and joy he expressed was beyond words. Every day he would come home
and fill the can with pennies; some he got from exploring the house, others
from the floor in school, and some on the street floor. Something so simple and
yet he filled it with earnest and excitement. One day he spotted a toy he
wanted and told our parents he will buy it with his own hard earn money when he
saved enough…
That was a few weeks ago….
Remember how I said
I would never betray his trust…
Well, I fear that
I’ll break that promise soon…
Somethings happen
in my life, I felt betrayed by the one I felt in love with…
I felt inferior
because of the reasons she left me and for whom she left with….
To try and forget
I did what I could to reach that which people call cloud nine. A place where my
worries and pain would leave me for a bit…
But when I got
there I never wanted to leave…, but I needed money to pay the fee.
I “borrowed” from
my parents and one or two friends said I needed it to pay a fee, but never told
them about the place. When I discovered that I could not get it and keep my
secret I remembered that can of coke filled with pennies in the dresser of my younger
brother’s room…
I tried to fight
it, this is the one and only person I cannot ask because there was a trust we
built…
But the pain and
stress is too much for me to handle. The people I had confidence on were of
zero help. Only in cloud nine could I escape this feelings, but the fee was
high and I had no cash…
In this moment
standing in front of the dresser I saw our trust and bond…
Standing there in
the open for all to see his hard work and it was all I needed to pay that damn
fee…
But when I tried
to reach it, I felt a cold shiver down my spine that rose to my head. I could
feel eyes, the only eyes that actually saw how I change and how I really felt.
Just staring in the dark background away from my vision.
I can’t turn to
see those eyes because I have a feeling that they will show the two emotions or
better yet show the results love can make for us, but still be cruel…
I HAVE TO TURN…
I HAVE TO FACE
THIS…
I HAVE TO SEE WHAT
THIS DECISION WILL COST ME…
…so I turn and see
with my point of view not a person or the eyes, but disappointment and
understanding. How is it possible for someone so young that still has not reach
my level in life just… know because it’s me…he knows why and what and even the
end that this action will lead to.
He speaks “take
it” it hurts me
“I know why, but I don’t get why you did not
simply ask me for it”. That image of me he knew, the one that created that bond
I wanted to protect it…
“You can just pay
me back” I can’t pay you back this is my escape and I don’t want to stop going
there…
“I trust you WILL
pay me back” and with a smile he says “I see where and how you go to that
place, I don’t want you to go, but when you come back let’s play together again,
you know I can’t get pass that boss”
He left and I just
fall to my knees and sob. He knew? I don’t know how or when, but he knew my
secret place… my escape. He tried to put me at ease the only way he knew how,
by asking me to spend time with him. Just playing a game with him or talking he
just told me he listens to every word I say. Always paying close attention to
how I say it and…
I just forgot, I could simply talk to him
about me…
He would tell me
in the face his opinion and how to deal with my worries…
so simple yet I
thought he would not get it…
so simple yet I
did not realize our bond was so stronger. That he would so easily figure out I
was in a bad place…
so simple that all
it would have taken me was spend some time with him and HE would have said the
correct thing and give me time to heal…
so I did take the
can of coke filled with pennies, but I just went to him and took him outside so
we could talk besides the river bank.
I told him what
happen I told him the cause, the result and how I was taken to cloud nine for a
fee. Opening my heart again to the only real person that would take it all.
Do
you want to know what he said at the end…
“well let’s use
this money and get you better because I REALLY NEED HELP PASSING THAT LEVEL”
THE END
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